It’s been 19 months today since Payton left this world and was greeted at the gates of Heaven. Some days it helps me to think “this is a really shitty world we live in and Payton is so lucky he doesn’t have to live in it”. I remember saying before we decided to have another baby (Payton), “I don’t know if I really want to bring another baby into this horrible world”, but we did and I’d never take it back for a second even if it meant I had to go through the pain of losing him.
Today is one of those days I’m calling Payton blessed to be gone. We are the ones left behind to suffer until our death in this cruel world. It’s a world where people constantly judge, without having empathy for a second. Even those you think are the most empathetic people will judge you or your actions in a heartbeat. It’s a world where people lie, steal, and cheat, without remorse. It’s a world where politics can destroy friendships This world we live in is one that children die every single day because there isn’t enough money for a cure. It really is a sad world and although my heart is broken into a million pieces, deep down I am so glad Payton never had to face the “real world”, besides the cancer part. He never had to know all of the bad in the world. His life was full of fun, love, and good people. He had fun every day of his life. The day he passed, he did not have fun with us but I know he had fun as soon as he got to heaven. How many can say “I had fun every single day of my life. I was happy every single day of my life. I was never, ever, once given reason to question God. I never judged anyone in my entire life. I never hated anyone, ever. I never felt hate from anyone in my whole entire life.”? I know he could wholeheartedly say those things.
This blog post is not meant to justify DIPG. This horrific cancer needs help. I am seeing kids die every day from DIPG. I am seeing kids suffer and it is not right. DIPG needs a cure so families don’t have to go through this and children do not have to suffer. Autocorrect should not be changing the word I type after “children” to “die”. This is not right!!!