2 years. 2 years that feel like a day, yet feel like they have pushed us further from our baby. We got home from vacation early this morning. Vacation was great, it helped take our minds off things a little bit. However, Payton’s presence was very missed. As I watched the other kids play, swim, argue, run on the beach, sleep, and eat, I couldn’t help but wonder where Payton would have fit in the mix. It’s not hard to figure out what he would have been doing in each moment. There is a missing link in our family. It won’t ever be replaced, and has changed our family completely. We spread some of Payton’s ashes in the Gulf of Mexico. I know he was there, because he sent a huge wave crashing up onto us right after we sent him off. Then my mom found a dolphin necklace in the sand, which was significant on this trip, after seeing many dolphins in front of our condo every day. There were also 2 monarch butterflies playing around our patio. The signs are there if we look for them, and it brings a bit of peace, but doesn’t bring our boy back. I really thought at this point I would be able to say it has gotten easier. It hasn’t. We have just learned to cope the best we can.
The gaping hole in our hearts say “He should be here with us”. We miss our boy every single minute, and many days we still cry out hearts out. It has become part of who we are. Stronger? Not sure. I think we are all, as humans, just stronger than we think we are in the first place. It’s when your strength is ever put to the test, that you find out how strong you really were all along. It can make you or break you and I feel we are somewhere in between some days, and some days it “makes us”.
Missing you more today. Payton Michael Dennis 8/23/2009-3/26/2017
I can’t wait to be with you again.
2 Peter 3:8
But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.