Everyday activities can be crippling to the heart. Cleaning out my car for the first time since Payton passed was rough. First I found his winter coat in the back, that still smells like him, like “us” I guess, but I could smell him. Then I found his camo jacket, the one he had to take a bunch of pills to be able to get…pretty sad when your child has a sticker chart for taking medicine well everyday. There was a smashed penny in the pocket from the Grand Rapids Museum. That was a good day. He got to see the whale exhibit which was cool and he really liked the game about different kind of whales. Then the papers…the ones with the appointments he never lived to make it to. The ones with scheduled dates after he was gone and the ridiculously long drug list attached, so long that the average person would think it belonged to a 90 year old. I wish he was here…but I know he hated going to the doctors. The good memories definitely outweigh the bad, BY FAR, but the bad memories are the ones so fresh in my memory. I wish I could erase those bad times…if only we had “off switches”.