Some days I hate everything, down to the smallest things.
I hate that there’s a new Spider Man movie out, that my son will never see. I hate that there is a Lego kit, in a box, unopened that my baby reserved for “everyone in our house” to put together but it never happened. I hate that there was a little girl at the ice cream shop that shared Payton’s name and it was said over and over again by numerous family members of the sweet little girl. I hate that I felt angry at these harmless people who had no idea about my son or what the name meant to me. Some days I hate that I have kids to be here for. I hate that I can’t end my life because they need me. I hate that there is a “kids only” section on my TV guide, because that’s the one Payton would have clicked on. I hate that there was a Batman pamphlet in my AT&T bill today because the only person I would have shown it to isn’t here to share it with. I hate that I hate at all, but what I hate the most is that children are dying daily from DIPG and there is still no cure.
I long for the day this hatred leaves my heart and I am whole and healed, but for now I will keep trudging through the days.
Until we meet again💛