He Doesn’t Know

He doesn’t know, that I’m crying behind this smile.
He doesn’t know, that his head on my shoulder is all I need.
He doesn’t know, that my heart is hanging on by him.
He doesn’t know his odds. I can’t allow him to see the fear and pain I am enduring during this time. This consumes my life. This grief I am dealing with is confusing..he is still here, and I’ve not lost hope, yet I mourn the loss of a son that “used to be”. He used to be full of energy, wild, and defiant. He used to run so fast, I’m not just saying this, I mean it. He was the fastest running kid I’ve ever seen. Now it’s not the easiest thing for him to walk with so much extra weight on his naturally little body, although I’m very grateful he still can walk. I ask myself “Why has God already taken so much of him?” “Is He preparing me for the worst to come?”. Some days are harder than others and today is one of them days.

Author: PaytonPiesMommy

I am a mother to 4 beautiful and amazing children. My youngest son was called to Heaven on March 26th, 2017 after a 6 month battle with a brain cancer called DIPG (Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma). He was only 7 years old. My life has been forever changed and my heart longs to be with him. I must complete my mission on earth, until we meet again. Writing is my outlet.

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