After you’ve watched your child suffer through the seasons until they take their last breath, the seasons become odd. It’s almost as though you get “stuck” in the memories. PTSD doesn’t go easy on you with the flashbacks, that’s a fact! Fall takes me back to hospital stays and radiation. There were many joyful moments as well, including the first annual Trunk or Treat (which Payton loved), The CL Fire Department giving my boy the best day ever, and getting our new puppy (Paisley, who is 7 now). As I sit here and watch the giant snow flakes fall outside of my living room window, memories flood my heart and mind. Payton hated the snow. One day he cried at the back slider door “I wish it would just STOP snowing. Can we move to Florida? I’m moving to Florida when I get big”. Doctors had already revealed that he would never “get big”, but I never told him that. I felt his pain, as I’ve never been a lover of snow either. One day, while he was very sick, he wanted to go outside in the snow. He didn’t want to go out to play in it. He just wanted to get a stick so he could carve on it with his new knife. Knowing how difficult of a task it would be to get him to the woodline, I asked him if I could just go out and get him a stick, but he was determined to get it himself. So he and I bundled up in our snow gear and started for the woods through at least a foot of snow. By the time we got there, we both plopped down and rested, grabbing the nearest sticks. That was his last time ever trenching through the snow. Springtime is a mixture of emotions. The snow finally starts to let up, and things begin to thaw out, but my heart gets colder as his death date approaches. April through July are my favorite months. He wasn’t sick during those months. Well, the tumor may have been festering in his brain, but nobody knew it. Things were “normal”. August is his birthday month, which is a good month, but also the very last normal month Payton was alive to experience. September was the month that everything began to crumble and the month that Payton was issued a death sentence. Halloween is a tough one for me. Payton LOVED Halloween. He loved dressing up (all through the year, not just on October 31st) and he loved candy just as much as any kid does. I hope everyone takes their kids out trick-or-treating tonight and I hope everyone has a great time. I know it can be stressful getting the kids ready to go and some kids will complain that they’re cold or that they have tired little legs, and some will forget to say “thank you” while others won’t be ready to quit when you are, but please make those memories good ones because you’ll never get these days back🧡🖤🩶 Happy Halloween everyone!
Payton Strong 